“Before a great vision can become reality there may be difficulty. Before a person begins a great endeavor, they may enounter chaos. As a new plant breaks the ground with great difficulty, foreshadowing the huge tree, so must we sometimes push against difficulty in bringing forth our dreams. ‘Out of Chaos, Brilliant Stars are Born.’”
I often think back to those words.
everyone needs a lesson of humility. i think this is a point in life where i am getting mine.
i like to think that this will shape me into a better person.
i hope i can look back in to this period of my life and be proud of myself for starting from the
ground up.
sometimes life doesn’t give you much options, but if you play it right you just might open up some doors.
once more i feel like i lost myself.
i don’t like who i’ve become.
possessive and manipulative.
i don’t do it to do harm. i don’t go to extremes either
but it’s affecting me, i’m hurting myself
it’s sickening. jealously can be sickening.
i swear that i don’t mean harm.
i simply feel insecure and i get protective.
i want to change. i will change.
i need to speak the truth and set myself free
-stupid boy
i’ve always known that i cared and loved you more than you loved me. i made believe that you felt the same way i did. you were my best friend, you were my brother and i thought the world of you. now it’s time to let go and move on. i’ll be cold, indifferent. but inside i have died a little and my heart is bruised. i won’t show it though, i’ll never let you see how deeply in fact you have hurt me. i will heal with time. i’ll be fine… but you??
Well… i worry about you. You have self destructive tendencies Stupid Boy. Who will help you save you from yourself? i hope you find someone. i’m too far gone, Stupid Boy. i’m far long gone.
-Stupid Boy, you found yourself a tramp, vapid and vain.
You Stupid Boy i’d be lying if i’d say i wish the best for you. and it’s anger and resentment that i feel upon my heart. you shunned me without warning ,without cause and without out a second thought.
-*light bulb*
it just dawned on me.. the problem is that you’re too self-absorbed. You don’t know how to appreciate who is true. good luck Stupid Boy. you’ll never learn true happiness.
-a lot of the reason
that i’m over your treason
is simply the love
that he’s shown to me
that goes beyond and above
your make believe stories of friendship and trust
wound my pride, yes, that you might have done so…
but my spirit thus will never be broken; no, it’ll never hit the ground below.
And finally i got to the point where:
-and come to think about it, i just realized that i don’t miss you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. it makes me feel weird… like i’m betraying you in a some way. Even though i know to you i don’t matter either, in fact you stopped caring way before i did.
is it reality or simply wishful-making uping?
will i ever be enough or always feel like second best?
at times i just don’t know how i feel about anything.
at times i remember i’ll never win
so i send a plea
i close my eyes
and tilt my head heavenwards
it’s what i’ve always known.
i send a cry for help
this time though, my effort is fruitless
for i know i don’t deserve a reply
i don’t deserve to be heard
and that makes me wonder…
I lost myself somewhere along the way.
I was completely aware of it.
yet… all i could do was ask:
“where is that girl who flirted shamelessly? who always got her way?”
“where is that girl who always sung her current favorite song?? anywhere and everywhere, without a care.” i asked myself.
witty. Stephie always described me as witty.
Yesterday, i spotted her.
on a street full of butterflies and zebras and such nonsense.
I kidnapped her before she ran away again.